The One Thing that eHarmony Gets Wrong

I appreciate the value of online dating sites for Christians. Equally Yoked, eHarmony, and the like offer a great option for individuals who want to find possible mates but who are not interested in singles bars...or single adult groups at church that often feel like singles bars.

"Hey, baby. What's your spiritual gift?"

However, eHarmony's key strength is also their biggest weakness: their promise to find you a compatible partner. Neil Clark Warren flashes his smile on TV and assures you that his computer will match you with potential partners based on 26 key relationship factors. Jenifer and I met at church (Al Gore hadn't invented the Internet yet) and unfortunately, we are only compatible on about six or seven of Warren's factors. Surprisingly, we are doing pretty well.

I'm not downplaying the value of compatibility. The problem is that people change. I have been married for nearly a quarter century and I assure you that I am a different person than when I said "I do" to Jen. She has changed, too. If we based our marriage on the fact that God had made us wonderfully and perfectly compatible, then we would have developed some legitimate grounds to sue God for false advertising. Life has a way of changing people. And that's okay.

Dr. Warren seems like a great guy offering a much-needed service. But single adults and married adults alike shouldn't read between the lines of his sales pitch and assume that compatibility is the secret to a satisfying marriage. The key is commitment.

Even better, it's covenant.

Covenant is a fancy biblical word that God uses to describe His faithfulness to His people. He promises to love us, pursue us, and remain committed to us no matter what. Even if we change for the worse. I'm glad Jenifer loves me that way. Covenant gives a strength to our marriage that compatibility can't hold a candle to. 

Want to hear more? My friend Dr. Rob Rienow posted a 3 minute clip called "You Married a Moving Target" that captures this truth perfectly. It's part of his Visionary Marriage teaching series and it is truly outstanding. You can either click on the viewer below or link to it here.

Be thankful that you and your spouse are different. See it as a blessing and not a curse. Take a minute today and tell the one you married how glad you are that you are incompatible.

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